CarnalNation

I was looking forward to this toy review a little too much.  Like a kid waiting to be able to open his gifts on Christmas day, I waited with anticipation until the package arrived with my new Bandit VixSkin Realistic Dildo.  The packaging was simple and easy to open, no doubt the savings on packaging was sunk into product development because this toy is at the top of my list of favorites in my toy box to date.

The design of this toy is wonderful.  At 7 inches in length and 1¾ inches in diameter, it is the perfect size.  The head is pronounced but not too big, and the diameter graduates to a larger size at the base.  There are also very realistic-feeling balls at the base.  It comes in vanilla, coffee, and caramel. 

This silicone dildo ABSOLUTELY feels like the real thing—in your hand, mouth, or anywhere else you might want to stick it.  When it arrived, my roommate was gone for the day, so I could get right to work testing this little beauty.

I love this toy. Once warmed up, it really feels like I’m with another guy.  I began by blowing the Bandit…fucking my mouth with it so that it would warm up to body temperature.  The beauty of the material that this toy is made of is that it warms up to your body temperature almost instantly.

I put some lube on the Bandit and jacked it off.  It felt just like a real cock.  I then jacked off with it cock to cock.  Again, it felt so realistic.  But the proof is in the pudding or rather my p-spot.  Because of the natural feeling of this toy, working up to insertion was much easier than with other dildos.  Teasing my hole with the head for a few moments was all it took.  I was able to slowly fuck myself with the Bandit while lying on my back. Before I would knew it, I was taking almost the whole toy. Because the description of this toy says it is good with harness play, I experimented using a jock strap. I was able to attach the Bandit to the straps and gently ride it. After a few moments, I came without touching myself.  This has happened to me maybe four times in my life—and NEVER with a toy.

Clean-up with this non-porous silicone toy is a breeze with soap and water, boiling water or in the dishwasher, but remember – NO SILICONE LUBE.  Make sure it is water based.

The versatility of this toy is great, although if it could be attached to something with a suction cup, that would be cool. But my review is a gleaming 5 out of 5 stars.  In fact I would suggest that every one of you get your ass off the couch, out of bed, out of the sling, or wherever you may be and get a Bandit as soon as possible.

There are also two other sizes in this family of realistic dildo’s: the Mustang at 6½ inches in length and slightly less girth and the Outlaw at 8 ½ inches and with an even larger diameter than the Bandit.

At only $109.00, this one is a sure bet and worth every penny to use alone or with partners. This one will forever be a “go to” for me. Yeehaw!  Giddy-up Bandit!

It’s crunch time; I’m down to the wire for this review, but I’ve been too busy repeatedly testing the Bandit by Vixskin to sit down (unless I’m sitting on it) and write about it.  You see, in the absence of an actual cock of the near perfect proportions (for me) of the Bandit, I think I’ve found my salvation.  Hallelujah!

Lately, I’ve been semi-joking that I have a very small vagina, so perhaps you’d think a toy of rather sizable dimensions would be overkill.  To this I say that I’d rather have the extra inches available than not have enough.  The vagina is elastic and lengthens with sexual arousal, so even someone with my, ahem, petite little vagina can handle more than you'd think.  When I’m hot enough, I end up with all 7 inches of the Bandit buried to the hilt.  The hilt, realistically striated balls with a flat base, happens to be handy-dandy for placing the Bandit on your bed, toilet seat, or chair giving you the option of fucking yourself silly while kneeling, squatting, or standing up.  Versatile!

Material wise, the Bandit is made of one of the best sex toy choices around, silicone. But not just plain old silicone, a hybrid called Vixskin.  It’s soft and squishy on the outside, nearly realistic to the touch, if a little tacky, with a hard core making it perfect for penetration.  I was so curious about how this product could be so different from my other silicone dildos, all of which are hard and fairly to very rigid, that I did some research. Vixskin’s formula contains a silicone lubricant that gets suspended between the molecules, thus creating its unique realistic feel.  Since all the sex toy wisdom I’ve heard advised never to use silicone toys with silicone lubes, more research was called for. Apparently premium silicone will be unaffected by use with silicone lubes. The reaction that you want to avoid is to have the lube bond with your toy, making it a sticky and gunky. In order to make Vixskin, and please note I am no chemist, I’m thinking that they’ve somehow harnessed what could be a negative reaction and made it wonderful.  Go science!

If the Bandit were a little bigger in girth, it would be perfect for me.  It measures 1 5/8 inches around and I’m a woman who really likes the stretch a nice girthy 2-incher provides.  But, what I really, really liked was the way the balls slammed into me as I was fucking myself hard and harder, feeling realistic enough to make me cry.  I sometimes do that with amazing sex. One final uber-hard thrust slammed it into my cervix and somehow made me come instantly.  Tears and gushing. OMFG!

I’d suggest storing this toy in a lint free pouch; I’m using the case it came in at the moment, because while the texture of it is so awesome, it seems like a major lint attractor. Loving the Bandit so much, I doubt it will have the time to become a dust bunny magnet.

For anal insertion, I love glass and stainless steel. Dildos and p-spot stimulators made of these materials are sleek and chic and highly effective. My njoy Fun Wand Dildo gives me a great bang for my fuck. Every time I use my Spectral Glass Dildo, I think that when I find the man that can do for me what this piece of glass does, then... I've started calling it my Glass Slipper. Impossibly high standards, I suppose, but what the hell—I'm getting off; there's no talking (except mine); and I don't have to worry about anybody else's breakfast. But then I received the Bandit Vixskin Dildo.

This is a substantial dildo, fleshy, weighty, lengthy, and veiny. And it's one beautiful cock, too, for all these same reasons. It manages to look both elegant and dirty (in the good way) at the same time. You might call it inspirational; it inspired all kinds of thoughts, ideas, and actions in me. Both the packaging and my tape measure tell me that it's 7 inches long, which, by the way, is well above average. That said, if this dick had an online profile on any gay hook-up site, I guarantee it would be listed as at least a 9-incher and probably more. (This happens through a complex equation in which a certain number of years is subtracted from one's age and added to one's penis size in the form of inches and then translated photographically into another equation whereby a lack of appropriate lighting in the face shot somehow renders the mathematically lengthened member both brilliantly illuminated and strangely disembodied, which is to say without any point of reference for a size comparison.) Anyway...

The Bandit is highly naturalistic (except for the honesty part). As I've said, it looks like a cock, a really nice cock. But who hasn't seen a good-looking dildo. The difference here is the feel of it. The cyberskin actually feels like natural skin, soft, supple, fleshy. It even has a bit of give to it. Before using it, however, I suggest warming it up in some hot water. At room temperature, the cyberskin feels a little clammy, but I'd like to point out that if you were room temperature, you'd be dead so... But once you heat it up a bit, things will definitely get hot. Adding to the overall naturalism of this dildo is the beautiful bobbing it achieves, not to mention the heartily erotic thwap it makes on both sets of cheeks. Hell, mine even curves a bit to the left, the Bandit I mean. Out of the box and with only minimal foreplay so far, the Bandit was already stealing my heart.

So this "date" had to progress to the "deed." It had already been about 30 minutes since we first met, and already both of us were naked and warming up fast. I put on a romantic film (porn), and some mood music (techno, to hide the noise). I gave him a languorous hand job. What better way to slather lube all over that simulacrum of generous manhood! But what position to take. I planted him firmly on the nightstand, and watching him sway and bob, I thought I might need to work my way up to this. After lubing myself up, I set him up on a towel on the floor for a little sit-in. He knock, knock, knocked at the back door for a bit and then barged right in. A man who knows what he wants (me!), I like that. I must admit that there were a couple of aborted attempts at entry, but it usually does take a couple of tries regardless of the dick's status as either ersatz or real. I might suggest the optional add-on of a suction cup for future generations (you know, so you can pin that fucker down). But once inside, I discovered that you can go home again. Or, at least, the Bandit can. It felt like home to me.

As we (myself and my thigh muscles) screamed, the Bandit and I dove onto the bed where he proved to be brutally, lusciously assertive (alright, since it's a dildo and thus, technically an inanimate object, I'll revise that to read "insertive"). It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, but I turned it into an impromtu three-way by inviting BO, my little vibrating cock-ring fuck buddy from LELO. Suddenly, the Bandit with BO wrapped around his shaft was ENERGIZED even more than before. At that point, with my legs in the air, the Bandit moved to some deep-down topping. The Bandit's somewhat big (but unfortunately static) balls were smacking my ass over and over and over. Don't stop. Don't stop! Don't stop!!! Ok, you can stop. I'm done. Don't pull out! Not quite yet. As I lazily smoked a post-coital cigarette, I pondered the ramifications of a refreshingly honest (remember the real and verified size) man who actually meets my needs. Trouble.

So screw the whole previous Cinderella metaphor (though the Glass Slipper will forever remain a vital part of my life—its blue color perfectly matches my eyes). If I could find the man who inspired this dildo, then I'll ride the pumpkin coach up to the castle for the royal wedding. I hope that when I do find the man that fits this cock (or inspires it—read that how you will), he'll have developed some more pendulous balls (I prefer a "slap" to a "smack") and maybe a retractable foreskin. What!?! I said I had impossible standards (single—►me). And as a pragmatist, I know that refreshing honesty turns quickly to brutal honesty; the bloom of romance inevitably fades; and familiarity breeds (eek!) contempt. I am fully aware that Prince Charming is really a future ex-husband (does anyone know if Iowa is a no-fault, community property state?). Nothing says that we can't be fuck buddies, having intense, aggressively passionate encounters after the divorce papers are signed (and I get half the castle—so who's the Bandit now?). I told you that this gorgeous piece of cyberskin inspired a lot. Someday my Prince will come and that damned Bandit will steal my heart. But until then, at least I'm coming. A lot. And that's the beauty of sex toys—it's all about me.