It's probably too late to get that perfect reservation at the hippest restaurant in town for Valentine's Day. But it's not too late to make your post-dinner experience juicier than ever. There's still time to pop into your neighborhood sex toy store, for instance. For me, the best Valentine's Day present was when a sacred erotic healer helped me learn to relax my pelvic area. I had a lifetime of pelvic tension, like some people have jaw clenching and TMJ problems, and others have shoulder tension. It had been so much a part of my life that I didn't even know it was there.
Releasing chronic pelvic tension is one of the best ways to juice up your love life. If you have pelvic pain (even PMS), sciatica, or back pain, chances are good that you have some chronic tension in the pelvic area. Letting go of that tension immediately improves your lovemaking and increases your pleasure in it. Like chronic tension in your shoulders or anywhere else, to let go takes a continuing practice. Making it fun improves both the likelihood that you'll do the practice as well as its effectiveness.
So here are a few things you can do between now and Valentine's Day that will release pelvic tension, increase pleasure, and help make your Valentine's night memorable.
I learned a dance move when I was 14. It was a girl party at summer camp, and a sexy black chick from Memphis taught us less hip girls how to dance to Michael Jackson's newest hit “ABC.” (Yes, it was a year or two ago.) None of us had felt so sexy as we did when we succeeded at doing the racy pelvic tilt she taught us. I am not kidding—if you haven't been using this move, learn it. It will change your sex life.
And for you white rock-n-roll guys, it's OK to think you look like a fool if it improves your sex life.
Pelvic Release Rock (aka The Pelvic Thrust)
To release your pelvis, start on the floor. It's easiest for most people to learn this movement when lying on their back. Put your feet flat on the floor so that your knees are elevated. Flatten your back against the floor.
Keeping your stomach flat, tilt your pelvis up. Tilt it back down again allowing your lower back to come up off the floor. Once you can do these two movements comfortably, alternate doing them in a fluid manner.
Keep breathing. As you move, you'll find that the movements get easier and smoother. You'll probably notice yourself breathing in sync with the movements at some point.
The next step is to sigh audibly on each exhale. Allow a sound to escape with the sigh, or even consciously make a sound as you exhale.
When you can do this comfortably, try it standing. Start by standing with your feet about shoulder width apart and your knees bent so that you are almost crouching. When you start the tilting motion, it might feel more like rocking back and forth, but focus on keeping the motion between your knees and chest. Remember to keep breathing.
Here's a 30-second video clip of some of those white rock-n-roll guys doing this movement. In the clip, notice that each guy has his own style, range of movement, and fluidity. You will do it your own way, too. Just focus on having it feel like fluid warmth. You want to increase your ease and joy of movement.
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Once you can do the back-and-forth movement, try these other variations of hip movement with your feet solidly on the floor:
- Circle your hips clockwise.
- Circle your hips counter-clockwise.
- Move your hips in a Figure 8. When that movement is comfortable, take your figure 8 in the other direction.
- Keep breathing and let a sound escape on each exhale.
Yeah, it looks and feels like belly dancing; there's a reason belly dancers are considered sexy.
Do this just a few minutes daily or twice daily, maybe for the duration of your favorite dance tune. One day not so long from now, you'll be doing this and suddenly it will feel perfectly comfortable. It will flow smoothly.
If you feel embarrassed about how it looks, do it alone. Believe me, it will be worth it the first time you use one of these moves in bed. Did I forget to say that part? Yes, once you're comfortable doing these movements, start adding them into your mix of moves in bed.
Guys (Gals, you can skip this paragraph, OK? We'll catch up with you in just a moment.), once you get down the hips-flowing-in-different-directions thing, try it when you're inside your partner. Take it slow and easy and feel the surfaces you're touching. Pay attention to your partner. Explore the area with your dick. When you get one of those yummy little noises or squirms from your partner, try repeating that same move back and forth and back and forth (or in and out, in and out, or whatever direction it was you were going) at the same speed and pressure. If your partner really likes it, you'll know. If not, continue exploring.
If you're on the receiving end of this, consider keeping still and focusing awareness on how the minute details feel. Be sure to give that yummy little signal at those special moments, if it doesn't happen automatically for you yet. (If you practice the breathing and sounds on the exhale part of the practice, it will become second nature soon.)
If you're the receiving partner, these same movements from you are delightful in a different way. They are one of the natural responses to your partner finding a hot spot, like your g-spot or prostate. You can also have your partner be still (bondage of some sort?) while you do the exploring. It's usually easier if you're on top. (Try reverse cowgirl position to reach some spots.) By the time your partner is free to move again, there will be a delightful amount of erotic tension built.
Now you've been moving, breathing, and making sounds for a while, and your erotic energy is high. This is when sacred sex practitioners would start directing the energy up their spines or elsewhere. For the rest of us on Valentine's Day, it's a good time to revel in the heightened love and extreme pleasure we just created. This is the most basic of sacred sex principles: to let yourself go into pleasure, frequently and easily.
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