Recently, I had the opportunity to review Tony Comstock’s latest film: Bill and Desiree: Love is Timeless (2008). I loved the film and even more so real-life lovers, Bill and Desiree, who share “their sweet ecstatic moans and tearful orgasms” on-screen. I was touched and enlightened by their display of selfless pleasure giving as well as their innovative approach to love and sex. Bill contacted me saying, “It feels like you rolled right into bed with us… Thanks for seeing us the way you did, honoring us…” So here I am, in bed with Bill and Desiree (virtually) and invite you to join me as they chat about their passionate approach to love, life, and sexual intimacy.
Bill and Desiree speak briefly in the film about meeting in the Human Awareness Institute’s “Love, Sex, and Intimacy” workshops. Here, Desiree expands on their relationship.
Desiree: “For various reasons, we didn’t immediately start an intimate relationship. It was about eight months later… that we connected and began this journey as lovers and partners. For both of us, the connection was deeper and more profound than either of us had experienced previously. Bill doesn’t particularly care for the term “soul mate,” but I think it applies. Our coming together was both spontaneous and fated—neither of us were looking for the type of relationship we ended up creating, yet there were so many things that happened in just the right way at just the right moment that we were clearly meant to be together.”
In the film, Bill talks about “peak experiences” and how you can’t achieve magic in every sexual experience every time. “Peak experiences are just that,” says Bill, “Not every experience is Mount Everest.” This is a profound and simple idea that many of us fail to understand in our approach to sexual love and our expectations of ourselves and others. Here, Desiree shares her ideas on nurturing sexual relationships.
Desiree: “Keep your eyes open. Be willing to be seen—in every aspect of your nakedness, both physical and emotional. Laugh, at yourself, at each other. Laugh hard and often. Don’t be afraid to cry, to share tears of joy or sadness—sometimes lovemaking can be the perfect way to heal grief or disappointment, to alleviate fears. Be willing to be the receiver if you’re often the giver, the giver if you’re often the receiver. Initiate occasionally, if you usually don’t. Ask for what you want—directly, vulnerably, and gently, rather than trying to make it happen and experience disappointment when it doesn’t turn out the way you’d hoped… Be aware that our sexuality is lots more flexible, variable, and malleable than our often-limited experiences would lead us to believe. There’s no right or wrong way to do sex, as long as it’s safe, sane and consensual.”
Day to day, Bill and Desiree are often “stressed, exhausted, and at the edge of feeling [that they are] not coping…” Yet, in the film they appear to have an endless fount of enthusiasm and generosity for each other. I asked how they kept their relationship fresh (and real) despite everyday worries, problems, and fatigue.
Bill: “How do we deal and still keep our love life alive? Sometimes poorly. But, often enough, one or the other of us finds a spark, a gift for the other. And every once in a while, we have an adventure, a challenge—with each other, with others if we can make that work lovingly—or play with toys or novel situations and places.
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